Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
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I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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