I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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