hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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