Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
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blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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