I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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