A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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