Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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