Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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