The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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