if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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