He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
FUCK WHALES
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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