i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry about my life...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize