I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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