I can text with my tongue
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize