my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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