this boner is exhausting
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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