he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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