Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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