Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
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Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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