I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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