How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize