god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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