i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize