I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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