I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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