rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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