Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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