Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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