when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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