Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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