Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
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I need a burrito and a hug.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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