I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize