How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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