My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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