the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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