My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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