my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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