My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize