The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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