Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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