just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Come on in and take your pants off
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