Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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