So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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