Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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