Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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