she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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