We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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