i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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