you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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