some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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